Two Sides To The Story
“Save my marriage” she says because he doesn’t come home, leaving her to deal with the problems that the home and children present. She wants her husband to help share the load.
“Save my marriage” he says because he wants her support on his career which is faltering. He has so many problems at work and when he comes home, she just presents him with a laundry list of new ones.
Both the husband and wife in this situation are looking for help, and they feel they can only get it from one another.
While husbands and wives can often help each other work through stressful situations in their lives, there is also a sense that they need to be more than helpmates. They need to be friends and lovers too.
Think back to when you fell in love. At that time, the evenings were filled with wine and roses. There were no problems. There was no now, there was only the future.
But when you start to say “save my marriage,” you are dealing in the now. The present is overwhelming you and the future holds no promise.
If you find yourself in this situation, you need to start looking for ways to step away from your actual problems. You need to focus on what you love about your spouse, not about the problems in your own life.
Carve out some time for real communication. To the extent possible, don’t talk about your problems. Talk about your hopes and dreams. Don’t talk about what you hate, talk about what you love.
Try to set aside some time each day for these discussions. Whether it is getting up 15 minutes earlier so you can have a cup of coffee together or letting the kids clean up after dinner so that you can take a walk together, set this time aside each day.
But, don’t ignore your problems. If you say you want to “save my marriage” there are issues you have to work through obviously. That’s why you should schedule a weekly meeting to deal with money issues, household issues, children’s issues, work issues and more. Try to be open to the other person’s concerns. Also, try to frame all of your difficulties in a constructive fashion.
If you find that your spouse can’t help you deal with your own problems, that is okay. You didn’t marry them so that they could be your problem solver in chief. Go see a professional to help you. For instance, a career coach can help you work issues and a therapist can help you with your emotional state of mind. Even things like being overwhelmed with housework can be tackled in a couple of days when you engage the services of a professional organizer.
If you are saying you want to “save my marriage,” you will stop making your spouse into the person who has to solve your problems. You will make him or her your friend and lover again.
Bring Back The Love of Your Life